Battle of the Bulge
by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Synopsis:
From New York Times Bestseller Mimi Jean Pamfiloff comes BATTLE OF THE BULGE, Book Four of the OHellNO Series. (A Standalone.)
“Chicks can’t be bodyguards. Especially hot chicks.”
MY NAME IS MITCH HOFER. I’m a world-famous swimmer from Australia, best known for three things: my gold medals, my looks, and filling out a swimsuit with my…eh-hem—bulky equipment. Let’s just say there’s a reason my nickname is “the Bulge.”
But beyond the fame, sponsors, and glory, there’s more to me than people know, including one hell of a mess I’ve gotten mixed up in. Life-or-death stuff, so bring in the professionals. Just don’t give me a chick bodyguard. Especially a young hot one who distracts me at every turn and hates my guts…
MY NAME IS ABI CARTER, and I hate Mitch Hofer. Yeah, he might be the sexiest champion swimmer in the world, but I’d give this guy a gold medal for being a first-class jerk.
Unfortunately, my boss has given me a choice—guard Mitch or get another job. And I really need the money. I can be professional, but if Mitch says “chicks can’t be bodyguards” one more time, I just might strangle him myself.
Still, something about the way Mitch keeps looking at me makes me think there’s more to his story. It’s almost as if he’s trying to drive me away. But why?
“Chicks can’t be bodyguards. Especially hot chicks.”
MY NAME IS MITCH HOFER. I’m a world-famous swimmer from Australia, best known for three things: my gold medals, my looks, and filling out a swimsuit with my…eh-hem—bulky equipment. Let’s just say there’s a reason my nickname is “the Bulge.”
But beyond the fame, sponsors, and glory, there’s more to me than people know, including one hell of a mess I’ve gotten mixed up in. Life-or-death stuff, so bring in the professionals. Just don’t give me a chick bodyguard. Especially a young hot one who distracts me at every turn and hates my guts…
MY NAME IS ABI CARTER, and I hate Mitch Hofer. Yeah, he might be the sexiest champion swimmer in the world, but I’d give this guy a gold medal for being a first-class jerk.
Unfortunately, my boss has given me a choice—guard Mitch or get another job. And I really need the money. I can be professional, but if Mitch says “chicks can’t be bodyguards” one more time, I just might strangle him myself.
Still, something about the way Mitch keeps looking at me makes me think there’s more to his story. It’s almost as if he’s trying to drive me away. But why?
My Rating:
Favorite Quotes:
There’s a market for everything these days. Example: the horrible
swimsuits Mr. Jackass wears from his sponsor, Weeno. They have things like
panda or elephant faces on the front, positioned just so, in order to make the
animal’s nose protrude like little penis puppets.
A generous salami does not make up for his despicable personality.
We cussed like two pirates at a rum festival.
Damn, someone should write a bad country song about it…Kissed at
dusk. Dumped at dawn. Pumped my heart into a sad, sad song. And cue twangy
slide guitar.
I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to have men just look
at me like a piece of eye candy. … I’ll find out tonight… My dress is so tight
you can see my ovaries.
She takes one look at me, and her smile drops. “Dear, are you all
right? I own cotton balls with more color.”
My Review:
I smirked, giggle-snorted,
and laughed aloud throughout this delightfully irreverent read. I adore Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s clever humor,
witty wordplay, and endearingly flawed characters. She has a cheeky writing style that I will never tire of.
Empress DJ
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About the Author
MIMI JEAN PAMFILOFF is a USA Today and New York Times bestselling romance author with over a million books sold worldwide. Although she obtained her MBA and worked for more than fifteen years in the corporate world, she believes that it’s never too late to come out of the romance closet and follow your dream. Mimi lives with her Latin Lover hubby, two pirates-in-training (their boys), and the rat terrier duo, Snowflake and Mini Me, in Arizona. She hopes to make you laugh when you need it most and continues to pray daily that leather pants will make a big comeback for men.
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Other books in the series
Smart Tass (Book #1)
From New York Times Bestseller Mimi Jean Pamfiloff comes SMART TASS, a new Romantic Comedy.He’s the hot quarterback all the girls want.
She’s the smart girl he loves to pick on.
And now that they’re all grown up, things are about to get geekin’ ugly…
My name is Tass. I’m smart, I’m driven, and I am determined not to let prankster Hunter Johnson continue raining on my parade. When we were little, he’d pull my hair and call me names. When we were teenagers, he’d throw food and tease me for being a flat-chested virgin.
But now that we’ve ended up at the same college, he’s out of his hot head if he thinks he can keep messing with my life. It’s like he’s fixated on me or something. Well, guess what, Mr. Amazefootball? I’m not that geeky little girl anymore and you do not screw with a smart woman.
So what’s my plan?
It’s definitely wild, and he’s about to find out…
** CURRENTLY FREE ON ALL PLATFORMS **
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Oh Henry (Book #2)
From New York Times Bestseller, Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, Comes OH, HENRY, Book Two of the Ohellno Series. (Stand Alone Story w/ Teaser for Next Book.)SHE’S GOT ME BY THE FOOTBALLS…
My name is Henry Walton, and though I’ve been called many things throughout my life—tree trunk, moose, walrus—I am now six foot five, solid muscle, and the hottest defensive end in the NFL college draft. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for: fame, women, and glory.
Just one problem: I’m suddenly in a bad slump. And it started the moment I got dumped by Elle, the nerdy goddess with thick glasses, a smokin’ hot body, and a genius IQ.
So what gives? We only dated for a few weeks, and it’s not like I’ve missed her. (Much.) Regardless, all the facts point to one conclusion. Elle is my lucky nerd-charm.
So call me superstitious, but I have to get her back before I lose everything. Even if she’s the last girl I should want and she now hates my guts.
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Digging A Hole (Book #3)
From New York Times Bestseller, Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, comes a new Romantic Comedy.He’s the meanest boss ever.
She’s the sweet shy intern.
They’re about to wreck each other crazy.
My name is Sydney Lucas. I am smart, deathly shy, and one hundred percent determined to make my own way in the world. Which is why I jumped at the chance to intern for Mr. Nick Brooks despite his reputation. After ten failed interviews at other companies, he was the only one offering. Plus, everyone says he knows his stuff, and surely a man as stunningly handsome as him can’t be “the devil incarnate,” right? Wrong.
Oh…that man. That freakin’ man has got to go! I’ve been on the job one week, and he’s insulted my mother, wardrobe shamed me, and managed to make me cry. Twice. Underneath that stone-cold, beautiful face is the evilest human being ever.
But I’m not going to quit. Oh no. For once in my life, I’ve got to make a stand. Only, every time I open my mouth, I can’t quite seem to muster the courage. Perhaps my revenge needs to come in another form: destroying him quietly.
Because I’ve got a secret. I’m not really just an intern, and Sydney Lucas isn’t my real name.
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