Dead & Talking
by Des Burkinshaw
If a ghost appeared from nowhere, rescued you from suicide and then ordered you to start solving crimes to help dead people, what would you do?
When it happens to Porter Norton, he just wants to put his head in his hands and have nothing to do with it.
But now he has to atone for the family curse that has seen all the men die at their own hands for five generations.
The Gliss, the sarcastic spirit that rescues him, says he can now and see and hear the Dead - if he’s close to their remains. Porter has to use his unwelcome gift to clear up past injustices. Or else. Forced to investigate the murder of a WW1 British Tommy executed for spying in 1917, he begins to suspect the case has links to his own family history.
Along the way, Porter enlists the help of a bickering group of misfits, who struggle to stay involved - because only fools believe in the supernatural, don’t they?
Full of pop culture references, banter, and twists, the story takes us from present-day London and Flanders to scenes from World War 1.
As Porter, The Gliss, and friends, get deeper into the explosive case, they discover their own lives and sanity are at stake. An evil from WW1 pursues them all.
My Rating:
Poor Cherry. As much comfort as a pair of nettle knickers.
You’re about as much use as a sniper with Parkinson’s…
Porter sipped the coffee. After the drink and drugs, it was like getting a snog from Aphrodite.
Get me some water. I’m drier than an Arab’s roof. Has someone been stuffing my gob full of crackers?
“There’s one room here, the Oubliette, where a ghost strokes you in the night. Not in a nice way either.” “Is there a nice way to be stroked by a ghost in the night?” “Probably not, but then I’ve been single for a while,” said Feng.
Feng expected to find a doddery old man, wrapped in blankets, dribbling. He was met, instead, by a chipper bald-headed man, with monstrous tentacles of nasal hair... His white eyebrows were the size of slippers. More hair than Barry Gibb in his prime –none of it on top.
They’re not Bond villains with a masterplan. They're the spiritual equivalent of a plague… There are nuclear and chemical weapons now. If yours gets to its full power… It would take seconds for it to realise it should go after the man with the nuclear football. Look who's holding that. He's barely got a mind to control, but I'm guessing, what there is of it, would be easy prey.
He pressed the Facetime button. Zouche appeared, picking his nose, with the gusto of the Seven Dwarves digging for diamonds.
Awkwardness patrolled their corridor like a Pac-Man.
My Review:
Admittedly, anything paranormal is not my usual read but there is nothing about this cunningly crafted, highly amusing and vastly imaginative tale that could be considered as usual. The original storylines were exceptionally creative and bristled robustly with intriguing conundrums and life-threatening events that kept the initially skeptical characters scurrying and adapting on the fly. Mr. Burkinshaw’s tantalizing and engaging writing style quickly lured me into his characters' rather odd vortex, while his clever humor and sneaky strokes of levity had me occasionally barking aloud, as well as smirking and giggle-snorting throughout.
His deftly penned descriptions evoked sharp visuals, which were often outrageously comical, although a few gave my delicate intestines a queasy churn. This deviously clever scribe cast his tale with an unending group of peculiar characters who were each perceptively drawn with their own quirky traits and unique histories, while also realistically delineated with recognizable and mind-tickling human foibles which often led to humorous encounters, and delightfully amusing observations and inner musings. I had four pages of favorite quotes and notes highlighted and have gleefully added his name to my list of talents to watch and hope I am paying attention when his next missive is given wings.
I’ve gained three new words and phrases for my ever-expanding Brit Word List with struck off – which is officially being barred from working in one’s profession or field; bonce – head; and screaming abdabs – being extreme nervousness.
About The Author
Born in the middle of the Summer of Love on a pre-fab council estate in Luton, teenage bitterness and a chance viewing of the Watergate movie, All the President’s Men, made him vow to become a journalist and bring down the government.
First, he had to pay for his journalism course, so he became a civil servant. Literally, the day he had enough for his fees, he packed it in.
Twelve years on from watching the film, he was a journalist at The Times and had a big hand in bringing down John Major’s government. News ambitions sated, he packed that in too.
Several years of working for Channel 4, ITV and the BBC as a senior producer saw him working across the world, but he eventually got fed up with asking bands how the new album was coming along and packed it in.
He set up his own production company magnificent! in 2002 and simultaneously worked on the BBC Live Events team for another 10 years. But then six years of work on the Olympics came along, so he packed the BBC in. Again.
Des has jammed with many of his heroes from Paul McCartney to Brian Wilson, Queen to Nancy Sinatra. He has interviewed many A-listers, including David Bowie, Michael Caine, John Cleese, and even Noam Chomsky.
He has directed/produced a fairly long list of people – Muse, Coldplay, Michael Jackson, Jay-Z, produced BBC3’s Glastonbury coverage for a couple of years, made films about leprosy in India, comedy shorts with Miranda Hart and Lenny Henry and played guitar for Chas and Dave at the Hackney Empire.
He has made 300+ short films for the Queen, MI5, the BBC, Sky, Discovery, EMI, the British Academy and dozens of authorities, charities and private sector firms. His most recent publication was a series of interviews with leading academics like Mary Beard on the state of the humanities which was published as a standalone magazine by the British Academy.
Fed up with traveling and determined to be a half-decent dad, he now works in London as often as he can. He runs the Young Directors Film School making movies with young people and is about to head up the Digital Film and Video MA at Tileyard. An avid musician and producer, he releases his third album as Romano Chorizo (he plays drums, bass, piano, guitar, and really bad sax).
He hates to be pigeon-holed, thinks creativity is a learned state of mind and wishes they would teach people memory and learning techniques at school.
Dead & Talking is his first novel, the first in a series of Porter & The Gliss investigations.
GIVEAWAY
Born in the middle of the Summer of Love on a pre-fab council estate in Luton, teenage bitterness and a chance viewing of the Watergate movie, All the President’s Men, made him vow to become a journalist and bring down the government.First, he had to pay for his journalism course, so he became a civil servant. Literally, the day he had enough for his fees, he packed it in.
Twelve years on from watching the film, he was a journalist at The Times and had a big hand in bringing down John Major’s government. News ambitions sated, he packed that in too.
Several years of working for Channel 4, ITV and the BBC as a senior producer saw him working across the world, but he eventually got fed up with asking bands how the new album was coming along and packed it in.
He set up his own production company magnificent! in 2002 and simultaneously worked on the BBC Live Events team for another 10 years. But then six years of work on the Olympics came along, so he packed the BBC in. Again.
Des has jammed with many of his heroes from Paul McCartney to Brian Wilson, Queen to Nancy Sinatra. He has interviewed many A-listers, including David Bowie, Michael Caine, John Cleese, and even Noam Chomsky.
He has directed/produced a fairly long list of people – Muse, Coldplay, Michael Jackson, Jay-Z, produced BBC3’s Glastonbury coverage for a couple of years, made films about leprosy in India, comedy shorts with Miranda Hart and Lenny Henry and played guitar for Chas and Dave at the Hackney Empire.
He has made 300+ short films for the Queen, MI5, the BBC, Sky, Discovery, EMI, the British Academy and dozens of authorities, charities and private sector firms. His most recent publication was a series of interviews with leading academics like Mary Beard on the state of the humanities which was published as a standalone magazine by the British Academy.
Fed up with traveling and determined to be a half-decent dad, he now works in London as often as he can. He runs the Young Directors Film School making movies with young people and is about to head up the Digital Film and Video MA at Tileyard. An avid musician and producer, he releases his third album as Romano Chorizo (he plays drums, bass, piano, guitar, and really bad sax).
He hates to be pigeon-holed, thinks creativity is a learned state of mind and wishes they would teach people memory and learning techniques at school.
Dead & Talking is his first novel, the first in a series of Porter & The Gliss investigations.
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